Living With Conflict
By Jim Stier
Recently a young man approached me with profuse thanks and a strange story. It seems that he had heard me speak about reconciliation, and immediately following the church service had gone to seek out his father, an alcoholic with whom he hadn't had a civil conversation for years.
Arriving at his father's home he expressed his forgiveness to him. His father, furious at the implication that he had been in the wrong, ran into his bedroom and came out with a revolver. Screaming obscenities, he pointed the gun at his son and fired.
Luckily he was a bad shot and missed. The Spirit of God came over him. He burst into tears and fell into his son's arms. The two were reconciled, and the father soon became a Christian.
We can all see the hand of God in this story. God has given us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18,19). Reconciliation begins with God and should flow to the world through His church.
Certainly one of the greatest impediments to reaching the unreached is our all too common failure as missionaries to handle conflicts and live together in peace. Because of contaminated relationships we see people become embittered, discouraged, judgmental, unbelieving, weary, and finally they quit pursuing their high calling.
We must learn to live with conflict without entering into the works of the flesh (Gal. 5:19-21). Here are four issues we need to deal with.
1. Distrust. Too many of us are given to drawing negative conclusions about people's heart motives. I guess we think God has given us the gift of pulling out the tares from the Kingdom; something which Jesus warned us against (Mat. 13:24-43).
Trust will go a long way toward helping us live in peace with one another in spite of disagreements. We should put the best possible interpretation on people's motives. Our colleagues are nearly always sincere in their motivation. We should trust God to bring victory where sincere people make mistakes. The Bible is also very strong in exhorting us to trust and honor our leaders. If my leader makes a decision which I don't like I should accept it and move on, trusting in his or her love and sincerity (Heb. 13:17).
2. Different priorities. YWAM is especially diverse. This leads to tension as to how to utilize our time, our people, and our money. In order to deal with this we must see how our individual goals contribute toward the common vision.
3. Arbitrary or selfish use of authority. Team leadership will help protect us from this. Leaders must realize they are truly the servants of all. They are not to use people as fodder for their own visions, but to serve the dreams of those who are working with them. They must be willing to hear those who disagree with them, and sincerely consider diverse opinions.
4. Control. This is the big issue in situations of conflict. Are we willing to love people we can't control?
Some have a driving need to prevail. This can come from a prideful desire to win, but more often comes from fear. People can't deal with things when they don't get their way. They will fight to control and if they are not victorious will separate themselves from others, often using bitterness and accusations as a buffer.
People seldom confess openly to this. They will hide behind sophisticated justifications, accusations, and protestations as to their own hurt. They will often even mask their selfish struggle as a campaign of truth against error, with an attitude of religious superiority. None of this brings healing and restoration.
When we have gone through a difficult situation we need to give up on justifying ourselves. We need to give up on trying to establish blame. We need to confess our wrong attitudes. We need to forgive. We need to forget. We need to trust. We need to move on.
When we can't get along our efforts are blunted or destroyed. We lose valuable people. We spend our time and money trying to fix things instead of achieving our goals. The unreached remain in the darkness. Surely there is grace available for us to walk as mature disciples of the Lord. The GLT has produced a formal method for seeking reconciliation and restoration. We should use that when more personal efforts have failed. We shouldn't settle for a state of unexpressed rancor and distrust.
We will always have disagreements with one another. Sometimes our view will prevail, sometimes it won't. At all times we must walk in unity.
We do that to a remarkable degree, and most of you deserve congratulations for being victorious in difficult situations. Many of you, however, are involved in ugly conflict even as you read this. Can you go to God now and confess? Can you confess to others involved, opening a channel of honest communication with them? Can you forgive and forget, getting rid of the bitterness and accusations in your heart?
We have the ministry of reconciling the world to God. First we must be reconciled to one another.
....Biarkanlah Tuhan mengerjakan apa yang menjadi bagianNya......
By Jim Stier
Recently a young man approached me with profuse thanks and a strange story. It seems that he had heard me speak about reconciliation, and immediately following the church service had gone to seek out his father, an alcoholic with whom he hadn't had a civil conversation for years.
Arriving at his father's home he expressed his forgiveness to him. His father, furious at the implication that he had been in the wrong, ran into his bedroom and came out with a revolver. Screaming obscenities, he pointed the gun at his son and fired.
Luckily he was a bad shot and missed. The Spirit of God came over him. He burst into tears and fell into his son's arms. The two were reconciled, and the father soon became a Christian.
We can all see the hand of God in this story. God has given us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18,19). Reconciliation begins with God and should flow to the world through His church.
Certainly one of the greatest impediments to reaching the unreached is our all too common failure as missionaries to handle conflicts and live together in peace. Because of contaminated relationships we see people become embittered, discouraged, judgmental, unbelieving, weary, and finally they quit pursuing their high calling.
We must learn to live with conflict without entering into the works of the flesh (Gal. 5:19-21). Here are four issues we need to deal with.
1. Distrust. Too many of us are given to drawing negative conclusions about people's heart motives. I guess we think God has given us the gift of pulling out the tares from the Kingdom; something which Jesus warned us against (Mat. 13:24-43).
Trust will go a long way toward helping us live in peace with one another in spite of disagreements. We should put the best possible interpretation on people's motives. Our colleagues are nearly always sincere in their motivation. We should trust God to bring victory where sincere people make mistakes. The Bible is also very strong in exhorting us to trust and honor our leaders. If my leader makes a decision which I don't like I should accept it and move on, trusting in his or her love and sincerity (Heb. 13:17).
2. Different priorities. YWAM is especially diverse. This leads to tension as to how to utilize our time, our people, and our money. In order to deal with this we must see how our individual goals contribute toward the common vision.
3. Arbitrary or selfish use of authority. Team leadership will help protect us from this. Leaders must realize they are truly the servants of all. They are not to use people as fodder for their own visions, but to serve the dreams of those who are working with them. They must be willing to hear those who disagree with them, and sincerely consider diverse opinions.
4. Control. This is the big issue in situations of conflict. Are we willing to love people we can't control?
Some have a driving need to prevail. This can come from a prideful desire to win, but more often comes from fear. People can't deal with things when they don't get their way. They will fight to control and if they are not victorious will separate themselves from others, often using bitterness and accusations as a buffer.
People seldom confess openly to this. They will hide behind sophisticated justifications, accusations, and protestations as to their own hurt. They will often even mask their selfish struggle as a campaign of truth against error, with an attitude of religious superiority. None of this brings healing and restoration.
When we have gone through a difficult situation we need to give up on justifying ourselves. We need to give up on trying to establish blame. We need to confess our wrong attitudes. We need to forgive. We need to forget. We need to trust. We need to move on.
When we can't get along our efforts are blunted or destroyed. We lose valuable people. We spend our time and money trying to fix things instead of achieving our goals. The unreached remain in the darkness. Surely there is grace available for us to walk as mature disciples of the Lord. The GLT has produced a formal method for seeking reconciliation and restoration. We should use that when more personal efforts have failed. We shouldn't settle for a state of unexpressed rancor and distrust.
We will always have disagreements with one another. Sometimes our view will prevail, sometimes it won't. At all times we must walk in unity.
We do that to a remarkable degree, and most of you deserve congratulations for being victorious in difficult situations. Many of you, however, are involved in ugly conflict even as you read this. Can you go to God now and confess? Can you confess to others involved, opening a channel of honest communication with them? Can you forgive and forget, getting rid of the bitterness and accusations in your heart?
We have the ministry of reconciling the world to God. First we must be reconciled to one another.
....Biarkanlah Tuhan mengerjakan apa yang menjadi bagianNya......
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